Over the past couple of months my wife and I have been teaching our fifteen-year-old son to drive. Needless to say, learning to drive in Southern California is quite a bit different than rural Wisconsin where I learned. Sure, we dealt with ice and snow, but didn’t have to navigate six-lane freeways and cell phone distracted drivers.

Last month we decided to push it a little bit and moved on to night driving. While returning home after picking up some takeout in the adjoining town, my son changed lanes and didn’t see the truck in his blind spot. Thankfully an accident was avoided, but not without the requisite horn honking and gesturing from the other driver.

As I was looking back on the near accident it made me think more of the idea of a blind spot. As experienced drivers we reflexively check our blind spots every time we navigate busy freeways. It’s not something we consciously do, just part of the regular routine of driving that’s hardwired into our brain with practice. We all know that not checking our blind spot can lead to a potential disaster.

The concept of a blind spot applies to our daily lives. We all have blind spots, things we aren’t aware of that our co-workers, family and friends pick up on. It could be a personality trait, something we do in conversation, or even our body language, and the mere nature of a blind spot in life is that we don’t necessarily recognize it in ourselves.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

How often do we check our blind spots? Do you even know what our blind spots are?

I have my blind spots. A big one for me is a tendency to lose focus during the day on the critical tasks. I find that I often charge into the morning with energy towards knocking out my biggest task of the day (eat that frog!) but there are times that an email, IM, or a phone call can derail my momentum and send me into the distraction zone. I’ve worked hard to become aware of how the wandering mind can be detrimental to my personal productivity. Over time I’ve become more mindful of this tendency and strived to institute habits to minimize distraction and focus on key tasks early in my day.

So how do we become more mindful of these blind spots?

It starts with taking responsibility for everything that happens to us, even if it’s beyond our control. Taking responsibility sharpens your skills of introspection and self-awareness. It’s about realizing that there are things you don’t know and understanding that how you perceive yourself isn’t how others perceive you. The perception of others may not be always be right, but the reality probably lies somewhere in the middle. Having the ability to be mindful of how others perceive you is the key to recognizing these blind spots and actively working to improve.

So how do we do this?

Ask for feedback (How did I do?). Human beings are prideful and feedback, especially of the negative variety, is hard to hear. It’s easy to critique others, but when the tables are turned it often leads to a defensive reaction. The truth can be uncomfortable, but it’s an important part of self-awareness. The key is to not let it send us into a mental tailspin, which for too many people is often the case. Asking for and receiving feedback in your personal and professional life doesn’t have to be a difficult experience. In my sales career I’ve always made sure to periodically ask my clients and colleagues that work with me directly the simple question: “how am I doing?” or “how do you think it went.”

Find a mentor. The beauty of an effective mentor is that they are essentially impartial observers. Sure, you can ask you boss or spouse for feedback, but often they have too much invested and are too close to the situation. According to renowned film maker George Lucas, "mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults that we would like. It's the only way we grow." They will always be brutally honest with you and tell you exactly how it is rather than downplay any weaknesses they see in you.”

Get real with your buddies. This one is really hard for guys. Find a good group of men and have real conversations with them beyond sports, politics and the stock market. I’m blessed to have a great group of guy friends who are open and honest. Talk about the challenges you are facing in your life, work, relationships, etc. You’ll find out that your buddies are dealing with many of the same challenges you are and they probably have some great advice that can help you in your situation.

Listen. During my sales career I’ve developed very good listening skills in the professional environment, but unfortunately, one of my blind spots has been not being as good a listener in my personal life. Listening to a client discuss business outcomes is different than being an engaged and active listener with your spouse, friends, family, etc. The single biggest factor that makes you a bad listener in your personal life is distraction. These days the culprit, more often than not, is the smart phone. So put the smart phone away, engage who you’re talking to with deserved attention and good eye contact, and occasionally summarize back to them what they are saying.

Get introspective. Just this week I read an interesting article by best-selling author James Clear on the surprising effectiveness of journaling just a few sentences per day:

Journaling is simply the act of thinking about your life and writing it down. That’s it. Nothing more is needed. But despite its simplicity, the daily journal has played a key role in the careers of many prolific people.

According to Clear, journaling provides the opportunity to learn new lessons from old experiences, sharpens your memory, motivates you to make the best of each day, and gives you proof of your progress. These days the art of journaling has become an industry, with many tools that make the process easier. Like fellow best-selling author Ryan Holiday, Clear has created the Clear Habit Journal. Personally, as someone fascinated with Stoic philosophy, I’m using the Daily Stoic Journal.

It’s all about getting introspective about your life and what you are trying to accomplish. I’ve written extensively about goal setting and systems in this space. The act of taking stock in your pursuits and dreams daily, while analyzing your struggles and successes, is a key part of the process of achieving your life pursuits. Getting introspective forces us to better understand our blind spots, while coming up with strategies and tools to overcome them.

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